Five NEEDED NFL Throwbacks

The Philadelphia Eagles F*CKING did it! For years, us Philly fans have been begging for the return of the uniform templates once worn by franchise legends like Randall Cunningham, Jerome Brown and Reggie White.

So, what other teams are in DESPERATE need of a makeover?

Glad you asked! These five teams need to make the switch fast.

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No. 5 Minnesota Vikings

What they SHOULD USE: 1990-91

The Vikings uniforms are such a love-hate relationship. On one hand, the Vikings have one of the best color schemes in the NFL. The matte finish on the helmet is phenomenal. HOWEVER, the numbers are atrocious. What is the point of adding a tail at the end of only one number (left 3)?

There is a simple solution to this atrocity of a jersey: Cris Carter and Randy Moss. If the franchise that has been swimming in mediocrity since one Conference Championship appearance with a backup quarterback wants to prove that Kirk Cousins (who’s scamming people out of more money than the freaking Wolf of Wall Street) and this team wants to prove it’s legit, go back to the simple 1990 uniform set.

A darker purple with that sweet shiny finish on the helmet will pop on Minnesota’s home field. Hell, purple looks good even on Brett!

No. 4 Miami Dolphins

What they SHOULD use: Any uniform before 1980

Compared to other franchises, Miami has created solid uniforms but their current uniforms are just so out of place. These uniforms to the rest of the league are like the Jetsons in an episode of The Flintstones. They just don’t make sense and try so hard to be futuristic.

Block letters and the classic teal and orange color combo are what work best. I’ve never seen someone play Madden and willingly choose Miami’s current jerseys over the throwbacks.

No. 3 Los Angeles Rams

What they SHOULD use: Eric Dickerson 1980s

For the LOVE OF GOD ALMIGHTY CHANGE THIS TEAM’S LOOK! I absolutely hate the team’s current uniform set because it looks like Disney World and Donald Duck got a hold of Madden.

The shiny numbers and different color tones on the away grays just make the jerseys look like a bunch of Iron Man suits if anything. The helmet is the best component of this current edition but it still doesn’t beat the classic 1983 look with that simple royal blue and beautiful gold shining as Erick Dickerson bulldozes through the hole and runs for a 60-yard score.

No. 2 New England Patriots

What they should use: 1993 Curtis Martin Jerseys

There is something about massive logos on shoulder pads that is so damn visually appealing to me. These uniforms are the epitome of what I think the 90s were like (even though I was born after 2000).

But the Patriots have quietly had one of the worst uniforms in the entire league for the past two decades. They’re just so…..bleh.

At this point, the Pats are hanging on to everything related to Tom Brady like that friend that says there’s a chance they’ll get back together with a toxic ex over the summer because their ex called it “a break.”

With a new era and lack of talent, Bill Belichick will rely on toughness and smart play to succeed in 2022 so maybe an homage to the Bill Parcells era can add a boost to the team morale.

No. 1 New York Giants

What they SHOULD use: Lawrence Taylor 1980s

If the Patriots had ONE of the worst uniforms in the NFL, the Giants have THE worst uniforms across the league. Don’t get me wrong, the home blues are great, absolutely timeless.

But if I have to see these bland and unoriginal road whites with the horrible red numbers on my television, I will throw my television out the window. These should be lit on fire, thrown in a dumpster and that dumpster should be pushed off a cliff.

Bring back Lawrence Taylor days. The helmet with the GIANTS script is fantastic, the red trim on the numbers is fantastic and the organization needs some buzz around the team. Daniel Jones is still the starting quarterback (as of this writing), Saquon Barkley has to answer injury question marks and the defense is suspect at best.

So, Wellington Mara, BRING THESE BACK SO I CAN TOLERATE SEEING YOUR TEAM ON MY TELEVISION!